bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
