i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just want to make out with him forever
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
