Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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