I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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