his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
