You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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