Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
