I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
