So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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