I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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