And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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