I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
