"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
