He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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