totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
