Tell her she can't have a vagina
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I can't turn off my feet"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
