We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
