White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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