I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
