i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
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