good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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