You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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