I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize