I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
