Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
