I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
