if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
if only i could text you this smell
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
