the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Randomize
