3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
