Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
