I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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