walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
