Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
