She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
