would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
