I just threw up on my dentist
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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