Kareoke will never be a sober sport
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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