take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
