Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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