tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He felt like a one man threesome
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
