Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
