ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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