I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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