we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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