I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
