I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
