Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
