I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
