How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
