He disabled his match.com account in front of me
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
