Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
