Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
