Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
