and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize