He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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