He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
