There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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