it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
