M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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