I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
