So drunk its hurt
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
