he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
