Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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