i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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