Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
