have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
